Three Resolutions EVERYONE Should Attempt In 2015 (And Every Year Hereafter)

~Maddy~

I find New Year’s resolutions completely absurd, and probably always will.

I mean think about it.

The “New year, new me” mentality is not only a ghastly cliche, but also irrelevant, since you’re a “new you” with literally every passing second of every passing day of EVERY YEAR SINCE YOUR EXISTENCE.

2015 is no exception. It is not a magic year, it is not a year of promise, it is just. a. different. number.

On a lighter note, I am a big believer in making positive, day-to-day changes to oneself and ones routine. Yeah, long term goals are important, but they’re so damn easy to put off because they’re often far away from where you are in the moment.

So do something now, today, something short term for the greater good. Something liiiiiiike…

1. Tip Your Barista/Bartender/Waitperson $1 More Than You Usually Do

female-barista

Those of you who have worked in the food service industry know the horrors that waitstaff, bartenders and baristas face every day at work. I waitressed at a little diner all through high school and still bear the psychological scars years later.

The constant hustle and bustle of needy/noisy/nasty customers is enough to drive anyone out of their freaking minds, and then there’s the matter of the pathetic paychecks. I don’t know if people are jerks or if they just don’t get it, but tips are part of bartenders’/baristas’/waitpersons’ wages.

According the the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the national average hourly pay for baristas is between $7.50-12.50, and between $7.84-14.83 for waitpersons, which doesn’t sound too bad if you’re at the higher end of the spectrum.

However, speaking as someone who is very familiar with the industry, I can tell you that much of the time your bartender/barista/waitperson doesn’t receive enough in tips to actually break their supposed hourly wages. As a waitress in a rural area, my coworkers and I made a measly $4.95/hour.

This is Patch. Patch would appreciate more tips and less flash photography, please.
This is Patch. Patch would appreciate more tips and less picture taking.

These people work very hard and deal with all of us at our worst, when we’re hungry, thirsty and/or tired. The LEAST you can do is send an extra buck their way. A dollar won’t break your bank, and believe me, it means more to that sad empty tip jar than it does to you.

2. Try New Foods

Even if you don’t want to.

tumblr_inline_mrdo3fSaD71qz4rgp

Even if you have a “sensitive palate”.

tumblr_inline_mwo4buLGwx1rynlhg

Even if you’re that wacko who eats nothing but McDonald’s chicken nuggs for every meal.

Why, Anderson, why???
Why, Anderson, why???

Try. New. Foods.

Because picky eaters are hands down in the list of Top Ten Annoying/Awful Human Beings. I do not care if you don’t like green things, vegetables, or other non-bacon items.

Yeah, I'm looking at YOU Ron Swanson.
Yeah, I’m looking at YOU Ron Swanson.

You are a grown ass adult, suck it up and eat the brussel sprout.

Oh, you hated shrimp when you tried it one time in the third grade? So I’m guessing you also still think kissing can get you pregnant and that one week anniversaries are a thing?

What’s that? Can’t eat Thai food because there’s no steak and potatoes? Open wide, uncultured Puritan, here comes the tom yum choo-choo.

Hmm? Not giving tofu a shot because you’re a red-blooded American? Newsflash, dimwit: our blood is blue over 95% of the time, and I’ll spill some of yours if you call vegan dishes fake food one more time.

I’m not saying you have to love everything you try.

tumblr_n9h1xz5cN51rfduvxo1_400

In fact, you probably won’t like some things.

tumblr_mst5o1ZiwD1sgbwzho1_500

But for the love of pizza will you at least TASTE it?! How do you know you’re not missing out on the best thing since Nutella?!

tumblr_inline_mrdzpv9qxo1qz4rgp

You’ll never know if you don’t dig in.

3. Go Through Your Stuff

hoarders-someecards

Taking personal inventory of what you own from time to time is so, sooooo helpful in the long run, especially if you’re an avid shopper like myself. It’s scary how easy it is to become a dedicated pack rat, and when you need to find something or move to a new location, having an idea of how much stuff you have (and where it all is stashed) will prove invaluable.

Start with one specific area, like your dresser drawers, supply closet, or kitchen cupboards, and go through absolutely everything. If it hasn’t been touched, worn or moved in over a year, you may want to consider tossing or donating it.

all-the-things-meme-generator-throw-out-all-the-things-62ffe3

If your tendencies lean more towards hoarder than minimalist, it’s helpful to have a buddy system going. Friends don’t let friends save their tube tops from 1997.

tumblr_ngyp16c4B81qa7ccco2_1280

It may be painful at first, particularly if you are super sentimental, but it’s important to know when to let go of the old (an broken, and grody) and make room for the new. You’ll thank yourself later.

giphy

Even if it hurts a little now.

New Things I’ve Done So Far In 2015

new-year-2015

~Maddy~

So we’re not even a week into 2015, and everyone is working on their New Year’s resolutions.

Meaning the gym is going to be packed for the remaining three weeks of January.

There will be kale shakes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Your Facebook feed will be covered with motivational memes of the 60% drippy abs 40% Nike variety.

And while it will be a very, very jolly time watching Netflix on my sofa while all this business goes down, I feel bound to admit that I’ve got a wee case of the New Year’s spirit myself. In the past six days, for instance, I’ve done the following spanky new and oh so exciting things:

1. Learned to Snowshoe

It wasn’t as hard as one would expect, although it’s probably more difficult if you don’t have the promise of coffee afterwards awaiting on the horizon like I did.

Check out our legitimate snowshoeing gear #commit
Look at our legitimate snowshoeing gear! #commit

20150104_134158

Dad and I enjoyed ourselves, clearly.
Dad and I enjoyed ourselves, clearly.

2. Made (and ate) Plantain Pancakes

My mother has an autoimmune disease and  lot of food sensitivities, so funky, grain-free foods are pretty common in our household. However, I’d never tried plantains before this morning, and they made for surprisingly tasty pancakes.

20150106_090248 20150106_090343

Just be aware that green plantains are NOT yummy raw, and smell like a cross between an unripe banana and a thousand stalks of celery before they’re cooked. Recipe here.

3. Dyed My Hair ***DISCLAIMER: There are selfies in this post***

Dyed it pink, to be exact. Also sorry for the selfies, but I couldn’t think of another way to get an accurate pic of the color change.

Before
Before

annnnnddddduhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……..

After!
After!

I love it so far, but it’s a bloody mess. I mean literally, it bleeds on everything when it’s wet. My fingernails are permanently fuchsia.

4. Saw “Into the Woods”

Apparently, despite several people’s insistence that they’d informed me, I managed to make it into my seat in the movie theater completely unaware that I was about to watch a musical. Unexpected bonuses are the best bonuses, no?

(Excuse the quality of this, it’s the only video version available on the Internet as of late, and the song is two billion times better if you can see it)

5. Learned How To Arm Knit

Tough initially, but after a couple of tries I picked it up fairly quickly and managed to crank out a couple of scarves in less than an hour. I love knitting, but instant gratification is just so….well, gratifying.

I used a 5.29 oz yarn in the most fantastic bubblegummy pink, but you can obviously do whatever the heck you want with your yarn choice, color and size wise. The tutorial I used is available here.

It's kind of a giant scarf.
It’s kind of a giant scarf.
But very cozy :3
But very cozy :3

So the idea I’m repping here is that you don’t need to stress the new year and all those grand personal improvements you’ve resolved to make. Change will happen on its own and you’ll find yourself trying new things before you even realize it, so there’s no reason to stress. Baby steps, my friends. Baby steps.

Oh, and happy 2015 everyone!

50 Cats Who Want You To Take Your Christmas Cheer And Shove It

~Maddy~

Cats tend to get a bad rap for supposedly hating Christmas, which I don’t 100% agree with.

Grumpy_cat_quotes_no-7

Really, I don’t think they hate Christmas.

3s11n3

Of course, I don’t expect those of you who have never owned cats to fully appreciate and understand  the hellbound spiral their already sporadic moods take this time of year. They honest to goodness have a legitimate reason to be so grouchy.

And the reason isn’t that they’re all furry little Grinches.

Cats don’t mind the tree and the stockings and the presents, not a bit. Quite the contrary in fact, as all of these things make for some wonderful, destructive entertainment.

See? Kitty heaven.
See? Kitty heaven.
Like, pure bliss.
Like, pure bliss.
Pusheen agrees with me.
Pusheen agrees with me.

No, my friend, it is not these festive trimmings or even the celebration itself that cats can’t stand.

It’s the humans.

There’s big ones, little ones, tall ones, short ones, loud ones, quiet ones, fat ones, bony ones and they all want to embrace the merriment by either

A. Petting/holding/playing with the cat

B. Taking festive photos of the cat

or

C. Dressing the cat up in humiliating Christmas themed attire

All of which the cats are decidedly averse to, and therefore act especially peevish. But let me be perfectly clear. IT IS NOT CHRISTMAS.

It’s us.

But more specifically you.

Especially if you have dogs or children.

And the cats have just about had it.

And-no-shits-were-given-that-Christmas

This is why they insist on being so contrary, ripping up those presents all wrapped with care, eating the Christmas tree and so on.

tumblr_mfgzilmcH11rl1jado1_500

Also cats are little assholes.

tumblr_mfgzilmcH11rl1jado2_500

But that’s part of the appeal right? So, here as a cautionary tale AND for your viewing pleasure arrrrrre…..

50 Cats Who Want You To Take Your Christmas Cheer And Shove It

1-3. These Reluctant Reindeer Cats That Want To Trample You AND Grandma

enhanced-buzz-7038-1323717014-2671 Christmas-Cat l-christmas-cats

4-7. Some Of Santa’s Helpers Who Will Happily Rip Out Your Spleen

Mad-Cat-In-Christmas-Sweater cats-that-hate-christmas-omg-cute-things-112412-01   -Cats-love-Christmas-too-christmas-32996734-500-334 ed606723249b178593944dfb0c587dc7

8-20. These Santa Cats Who Would Burn Down Your House With The Coal They Gave You For Christmas

top-10-cats-who-hate-christmas-L-ZMfmpH Top-10-Cats-That-Hate-Christmas-9 top-10-cats-who-hate-christmas-L-nb55IY Garfi-angry-cat-Christmas christmas-cats-2 comics-grumpy-cat-christmas-hat-516085 e78cabe382b5e383b3e382bf christmas_cat waiting_for_christmas_cats_animals_hd-wallpaper-1581118 cat-christmas-advent-picture_17 angry-cat-christmas-i9 Angry-Briton-Gray-Cap-Christmas-Cat-Box-Feet-Claws-Snout-Eyes-Yellow cat-angry-christmas-santa-hat-snarl-13862827727

21-25. A Clowder of Cats In Sweaters That Wish You Were Dead

ee1e41bcdabb5d2968c518381039b4d5 Cat-In-Ho-Ho-Ho-Christmas-Sweater-406x600 10-grumpy-cats-christmas-cards Cat-In-Christmas-Sweatet-is-not-happy Cat-In-Christmas-Sweater-Turtleneck

26. This Cat Who Hopes All 8 Days Of Your Hanukkah Suck

more-christmas-animal-pictures-3-1-1-4-5-7-8-0-4-3-2-1

27-33. Some Unfortunate Kitties That Got Too Involved In The Decorating Process

Video-Cat-Secretly-Attacks-Christmas-Tree-Funny cat-christmas-advent-picture_01 4073bigstockphoto_Christmas_Cat_4494104 christmas-048 tumblr_mdt7hh3XcC1qei3sro1_500 funny-present-wrapped-up-xmas-christmas-cat-bow-death-slow-painful-pics Picture 36

34-40. Cats Whose Feline Fury Rains Down Upon You And Your Christmas Tree

cats-in-christmas-trees-221 cats-that-hate-christmas-omg-cute-things-112412-12 cats-hate-christmas-8 cats_hate_christmas_18 cats-attacking-christmas cat_christmas_tree_06 cats-love-christmas-trees-36-pics_36

40-45. These Cats With Unidentified Seasonal Accessories

cute-cat-kitty-Christmas-angry-1 images 0 She looks humiliated, the poor cat! TO-gal1024-cat-20131213112022184799-620x414

46-48. Three Cats Subjected To Cruel And Unusual Portraiture

raddude137-cat-christmas-card enhanced-23688-1419343113-2 d3589330c007cbc652d1f38ea5d687f8

49. A Kitty Who Doesn’t Appreciate His Present

cat-christmas-advent-picture_02

And Finally…

50. This Fluffy Cat Whose Total Lack Of Enthusiasm For Christmas Is Inspiring

0ac27bc790391d135741f2d18b247dce

Allow me to offer a word for the wise this Christmas: go eat your cookies and don your ugly sweaters elsewhere, and leave the cat in peace. You may just live to see the New Year.

Until next year…

41f50c4d

Annnnnnnd

Grumpy Christmas Wreath
MERRY FREAKING CHRISTMAS

Well said, Grumpy Cat. Well Said.